Writing

Pregnancy Loss Turned to Hope-My Writing Journey by Melissa Desveaux

I’m a mother of two; I live in Sydney Australia, and have been married since 2004. Now, why do you I need to know this you may ask? Well let me explain…

After about 5 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to start a family. The thing is, it wasn’t an easy journey. If you’re a parent reading this, you may relate to having struggles during pregnancy. Maybe not but I guess this post will be an eye opener for many.

In 2007 we lost our first baby through miscarriage. Devastated. I was naive to think it couldn’t happen to me. But it did and I will never forget the day I was told my baby had died. I was around 9 weeks pregnant.

My second pregnancy started at the end of 2007.

I was happy, but nervous. I made it to 12 weeks and we celebrated the news with our family and friends. We were relieved we got this far.

At my 18-week scan, it all changed. My baby’s growth was slowing down. After being referred to a specialist, having numerous tests and scans done over a 10-week period, my doctor told me my baby would not survive. My baby passed away at 28 weeks gestation. She was stillborn. It was the hardest time in my life I have ever been through to say the least. My heart was heavy for so long and I cried a lot. I didn’t think anyone could understand how I felt. But you know what got me by; it was writing. I wrote about her birth and the whole pregnancy and it became clear to me that I was strong enough to have another baby.

After a few months, I fell pregnant again. It was like an emotional rollercoaster! Maybe we didn’t wait long enough? My 3rd pregnancy again ended in miscarriage at around 8 weeks.

I became a high-risk patient and in 2009 when I fell pregnant for the 4th time. I was monitored well and this pregnancy went well. My doctor decided it was time to induce me at 38 weeks and 4 days. We were going to become parents! And on the 27th of July 2010, I was induced. I laboured for hours, but my baby went into distress and I was admitted into surgery to have an emergency caesarean. I will always be grateful for my doctor that day. My son was born healthy, though he had his cord around his neck. I could have lost another baby, but I was extremely blessed.

In 2012 we decided we wanted a sibling for our son. After 7 weeks into my pregnancy, I miscarried again. That was it for me. No more babies. I had had enough. I was disheartened, stressed and just over being heartbroken again. I had my son to take care of and he needed me.

Months went by… I really wanted another baby. I wanted my son to have a baby brother or sister. So in 2013 we decided it was time to try again and if it wasn’t meant to be, we would just keep our family at three.

We were lucky.. I fell pregnant, my doctor gave me progesterone to help the bay’s growth in the first 3 months and my pregnancy went along fine. I wanted to experience a natural birth but I didn’t get that chance. We decided at 38 weeks and 4 days to have a caesarean. There was little fluid in the baby’s sac and I was given very little options.

My baby was beautiful, and just like my first baby’s birth, I could see they were healthy and that was all that mattered to me. I had my two boys and they are my world..

About 6 months after my baby’s birth, I decided to write a book about my pregnancy history. It was originally for me to keep as memory, but I realised that many other people may relate and could even benefit from reading my story. So I published “My life of loss” and from that day, my life again changed from being a mother, to now an author. I was featured in news articles, invited to events, created charity auctions and started my own blog.

But I didn’t stop there. I decided that even more people could benefit from writing their own story so I then asked people from my Facebook page if they would be interested in writing their own stories of pregnancy. I was inundated with requests! Those stories become my second published book written by 20 other women with experience of a pregnancy struggle. “Comfort for the Tear’s Light for the way” is a book of heartbreaking and heart-warming memoirs of pregnancy.

I’ve had many opportunities since my second book was published, I’ve met people I never in a million years would thought I’d meet and we are still planning more to get our book out. The book has been donated to Charity organisations, libraries, hospitals and families all over the world as well as sold online. These books changed my life and of many people around the world.

About Melissa

In June 2008 I lost the most wanted child my husband and I had ever dreamed of. In fact I lost one before and another two after.
My child was born still. Charlize would have grown into a gorgeous, amazing little young lady. A child that we could nurture and love for eternity. But we didn’t get that chance. She died in my womb after 28 short weeks of her unborn life. And what’s more, the organ that was meant to nourish her, did not do its job.
My other unborn babies died under 9 weeks gestation. There was no explanation for why they died.
I have had six pregnancies in total and two out of those six, I was delivered two beautiful babies, Damien and Ethan and they make me live. They make the pain and hurt of what I lost somewhat lessen.I wrote “My Life of Loss” to help me heal. To release the burden of grief and to also allow other mothers and fathers who have lost a baby understand that they are not alone. To bring awareness of Pregnancy and infant loss. And to bring hope after loss.”Comfort for the tears, Light for the Way” is a collation of memoirs, written by parents and their families who have also endured loss of a baby or infant, have struggled to fall pregnant. or their baby’s were born prematurely. It is an inspirational, heartbreaking and heartwarming story.I know the pain and heartache of losing a child. I know how it can change your life, because it does. But I also know that there is light and hope. I have been inspired to continue my journey in helping families find comfort and healing in the midst of grieving for the loss of a  baby during or after pregnancy.
Reading real stories of pregnancy and infant loss will help you understand that everyone grieves differently and everyone has their own story to tell. Some, you may even relate to. I hope these books  bring that comfort and healing you need.

Check out Melissa’s site here

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